IM & email matty_rapper @ yahoo.com

Um, so life sucks. I'm not depressed right now, but I've been isolating all of my friends. I do feel like it's the end of my world soon and I'm just going to keep "working" until I get to the end. It really sucks. I feel really helpless.

It's like I've been feeling guilty about not tithing. Because even though I am a good budgeter like my finances hit me in the face, especially since I don't have a job. I have been applying to every lousy thing, even though I know I am much better than that. But hell, I have responsibilities and bills. I went to college and got a lousy piece of paper for it.  That's right. No job. No nothing. F*** colleges.  F*** the economy. F*** everyone. So then I get to thinking. Lots of people make lots of money and they don't always tithe. So maybe my situation isn't due to not tithing. But I wish I did. And I wish I had a church I went to.

THere was this church i went to. for like two weeks. I liked the church a whole bunch, but the guy who invited me wasn't really friendly and acted really weird. When I stopped showing up, he had my number and email and didn't bother to give me a call. Yeah I was kinda shy and didn't know him well, but I felt so unwanted. It is terrible to feel unwanted.

I googled my name for the picture to show up. It was a picof a half-naked woman soo i'm not posting it. well i don't feel like rapping. i mean i do. but it's hard when I"m feeling like this. i got some good ideas, but they were all mean so i didn't post them here.

bye for now. I feel like crap.